Post By Dancer, with thanx for all those wonderful tie-ins :-) Sat Oct 07, 2006 at 06:06:44 pm EDT	Subject Dancer #37: “I’ll pay good money to get sent on a Lair Emergency to battle the Yurt On Friday night.”
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Dancer #37: “I’ll pay good money to get sent on a Lair Emergency to battle the Yurt On Friday night.”


[The Scene: It’s breakfast time at the Lair Mansion. But all is not well in the Lair Kitchen…]

ManMan: Look out! She’s coming! Hide!

Dancer, breezing in: Morning everybody? Isn’t it a lovely morning?

ManMan: Busted!

Dancer: Manny, why are you trying to hide under the breakfast table?

ManMan: Knifey thought I dropped a sausage.

CSFB: M-heh. Dude, you mean…

[Hatman manages to tackle CSFB! before he can finish his sentence.]

Knifey: Way to make the lamest excuse in the history of excuses, Joe.

Dancer: Is everybody here? Because really we need to start nailing down who is going to do what in the Variety benefit Concert Friday night.

Shoggoth: Ah. Nailing people down. That explains how you will compel Visionary and ManMan to perform.

Vizh: Don’t give her ideas.

Dancer: Now Vizh, you know you’re going to love it. Have you decided what you’re going to sing?

Citizen Z: Just so we can inform Amnesty International and lodge a protest.

Vizh: I really don’t think I can sing in public, Dancer. People will look at me. Maybe if I had the entire Caphan chorus backing me…

Dancer: I thought about that, but I decided we should really do this show incognito. Disguised as ordinary performers. Otherwise the sinister villain probably won’t come and to break up the show, will he?

Donar, buttering his tjoast: Hold. There ist to be smiting? Nobody didst mention yon smiting. For mine act then I shall do mine famous tearing the villain in half. Tis a popular favourite throughout Ausgard.

Dancer: Er, well we can discuss your contribution, big guy. Later. When we have tranquillisers nearby. Just now we’re hearing what Vizh is offering for charity.

Vizh: Couldn’t you just take a kidney?

Trickshot: Hey, no problem Vizh. I’m needing some stooge to stand there with an apple in his mouth fer my archery demo. I’m going to show off my shishkabob arrow.

Citizen Z: Anonymously.

Trickshot: Sure. I’ll try and almost miss so nobody knows it’s me. Don’t worry Vizh. Even blindfolded and hanging from a trapeze my hand’s pretty steady.

Citizen Z: More coffee, Trickshot? Extra caffeine?

ManMan: Hey, if Tricky gets to shoot arrows at Vizh I get to throw Knifey at him. While I’m being whirled about by a giant Catherine wheel.

Lisa: Hmm. And I have a few whip tricks that would wow the crowds. Um, there won’t be any children present, right?

CSFB: Looks like Vizh has dropped a sausage under the table now.

Citizen Z: I’m sure Donar can drag him out when it’s time to throw pointed objects at him. For my part, I think I’d prefer to shoot at him with a pistol.

Dancer: You mean he’ll hold up a playing card and you’ll shoot the pips out?

Citizen Z: ……… Possibly.

Dancer: Shame. I was hoping you’d do your famous ventriloquism act.

Citizen Z: My what?

Dancer: I’ve seen you practicing in the halls when you didn’t think anybody was looking. You totally made it sound like your costume was talking to you.

Citizen Z, secretly wearing supervillain henchwoman Silicone Sally shaped as an all-over combat suit: Ah. You overheard my little party trick, then.

Dancer: Yes. Although I think you might want to get a dummy. Making your costume sound as if it was alive… well if it was alive and you were wearing it that’d be gross!

Citizen Z: ……..

CSFB!: And also if it really was alive it’d probably be like venom and turn against you just when you needed it most, which would be bad news. You’d end up as some totally psychotic supervillain.

Citizen Z: Is that my pager going off? Must dash.

Al B. Harper: Well I’m definitely going to be buying a ticket to watch you all. It’ll be great.

[Dancer whispers the bad news to him.]

Al B: Crap. Well, it was worth a try. *begins to sketch ideas on the edge of the tablecloth*

Hatman: I’m still working out what I’m going to do as well. I have this ringmaster’s hat if that helps.

ManMan: I’ll pay good money to get sent on a Lair Emergency to battle the Yurt On Friday night. Seriously.

Dancer: Actually Hatty I’m trying to borrow Frank Sinatra’s topper. Wouldn’t be cabaret without Ol’ Blue Eyes on the bill!

Lisa: And Visionary could be Bob No-Hope.

The Librarian: I’m trying to work out what story I should read to people. I’ve got it down to a shortlist of eleven thousand seven hundred and six.

Shoggoth: And I’ll be re-enacting Akiko entirely out of ectoplasm.

Yuki: And I’ll be standing by with the straight jackets.

CSFB!: So what’s Mr Epitome’s excuse for not doing a bit?

Dancer: Dominic? Oh, I’m sure he’ll contribute. I asked Kat to ask him.

Lisa: And they call me evil.

Visionary: Only because you are.

Hatman: Anyhow, I heard Vizh was thinking about a ventriloquist act. And Epitome.

Vizh: Yeah, my act kind of got cancelled. Epitome’s dummy beat up my dummy.

Donar: But… thine dummy wert formerly yon fabled Tickle-Me-Donar effigy! * hurls table across room * This must not be borne. Gather together thy fragments of manikin, boon Visionary. Let there we muppet war for the nonce!

Dancer: Well, I can see everybody’s been giving this a lot of thought. That’s lovely. It’s going to be a great gala night. Once we sell some tickets. And, you know, solve the mystery. And annoy the villain.

Lisa: We have 100% confidence that you can annoy the villain. And Al B. could help with finding about about the mystery curse on the theatre.

Al B.: Because I’m a genius?

Librarian: Because you look weak and helpless and they can send you in alone and see what jumps on you.

Dancer: Exciting, isn’t it? *jumps up and down and looks forward to the next chapter *

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Follow-Ups:

* Planning to send Al B. in first to see what jumps on him is not the best idea in my book. (no text) - Al B. Harper - keep the fun stuff coming - Sat Oct 14, 2006 at 08:30:46 am EDT * Intresting. - L! - Tue Oct 10, 2006 at 02:08:45 pm EDT * Thanx (no text) - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:33:24 am EDT * Re: Now I have to think of some evil plot for Beth to bring down the house. Remember "The Producers'? (no text) - J. Jonah Jerkson thinks Beth makes an excellent foil for Dancer in these stories. Thanks. - Tue Oct 10, 2006 at 11:56:36 am EDT * Foil away. - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:30:54 am EDT * That's several people kippered then. (no text) - Manga Shoggoth - Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 03:33:51 pm EDT * If not mackareled (no text) - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:31:03 am EDT * There's a disturbing number of teammates lining up to shoot me. - Visionary - Sun Oct 08, 2006 at 05:56:21 pm EDT * And thats just the characters not the posters :-P (no text) - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:31:54 am EDT * Breakfast at the Lair Mansion can be a high risk activity. (no text) - HH - Sun Oct 08, 2006 at 12:16:19 pm EDT * But its the most important meal of the day (no text) - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:31:05 am EDT * Now I want to see that muppet war. (no text) - ag - Sun Oct 08, 2006 at 11:39:01 am EDT * Me too! (no text) - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:31:06 am EDT * I think Vizh needs to close with a Napoleon Dynamite act. (no text) - Anime Jason - Sun Oct 08, 2006 at 10:57:06 am EDT * And bring down the house? (no text) - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:31:08 am EDT * People underestimate the savagery of muppet wars...the torn felt, the inefficacious limbs. It's a terrible sight... ;) (no text) - DONAR - Sun Oct 08, 2006 at 07:06:39 am EDT * I blame their ambitious owners. They push them too hard. (no text) - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:31:12 am EDT * Ventriloquist dummies have had a history of being possessed by supernatural nasties (no text) - killer shrike, ever helpful when it comes to complicating the plot - Sat Oct 07, 2006 at 07:07:17 pm EDT * Ooh. Do that in your next crossover!! (no text) - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:31:13 am EDT * *signs up for the Yurt option* :) (no text) - Hatman - Sat Oct 07, 2006 at 06:57:34 pm EDT * Coward :-P (no text) - Dancer - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:31:17 am EDT * While she waits for the next chapter, Vizh, could you draw her jumping up and down? ;) (no text) - CrazySugarFreakBoy! enjoys seeing this continue. - Sat Oct 07, 2006 at 06:46:42 pm EDT * He keeps trying to convince me to come to America and pose nude for him. (no text) - Dancer knows all about artists - Wed Oct 11, 2006 at 07:31:18 am EDT

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